Driven Mad
by A Gay Elephant Named JohnLock
Summary: Originally called Travel Buddies, then changed to America's Halloween Party, and then changed to what the poster wanted the story to be called. "Driven Mad" is now what it was supposed to be: a one-shot! Italy takes Germany and Japan for a ride. Heavy hints at Germany/Italy. Very cracky. Inspired by video game "The Simpsons: Hit and Run". Don't ask. Just don't.


**A/N: Me and my best friend Kerms wrote this in the summer and I just recently reread it. I hate all the chapters after this one so I deleted them. I also changed the title from Travel Buddies to Driven Mad. Driven Mad was my title while Travel Buddies was hers, and I also HATED it. So anyways, I hope you enjoy the crack that we created.**

**Also, this was going to be a seven chapter fic but as I said, everything after the first chapter sucks BADLY.**

* * *

Somehow, and for whatever reason, Italy was in Germany's house (and to be exact, in his dining room). "GERMANY!" he shrieked.

Germany jumped slightly, almost spilling the coffee in his hand. "Ja?" he asked, startled. He turned to look at his eccentric friend.

"We should go on a car ride!"

"To where?"

"I don't know!"

Germany picked up the newspaper on his table. "Then there's no point in driving."

Italy frowned, disappointed. Suddenly, he had an idea. "OOH! I know where we can go!"

Germany, annoyed, looked at his friend again. "Where?"

"Japan's!" the little Italian replied. "We haven't seem him for SO LONG!"

"Two days ago is a long time?"

"To me, yes!" Italy said. "So, can we go? Please?"

Germany shook his head. "No."

Italy started pulling on his German friend's arm. "PLEASE?" Another shake of the head. "Please?" Germany had stopped listening and refocused on the newspaper. "Prease?"

Germany stopped reading. "What did you say?"

"I said prease. Like Japan! Prease? If I say it like Japan, will you go? Prease? Prease?"

Germany remained silent as Italy continued to beg "Prease?" He eventually placed his newspaper on the table and slammed one hand over his mouth. "We shall go if you STOP SAYING PREASE!"

Italy smiled. "Hooray! Get in my car, I'll drive you there!"

"No. I shall drive," Germany said, shuddering as he remembered the one time he had allowed Italy to drive him somewhere.

"No, I want to drive!" Italy objected.

"I will drive. That is final," Germany said in a finalizing tone.

Italy's smile disappeared and he began to sniffle, tears forming in his eyes. "B-But..." He began to cry full force. "I w-wanted t-to d-drive!"

The German stared at his upset friend. He sighed. "Fine you can drive," he said, hating to see Italy so upset.

Italy immediately stopped his crying and smiled again. "Yay! Let's go!" Italy dragged Germany towards door, but tripped when Germany stopped moving.

"Don't drag me," Germany hissed, walking past the Italian.

Italy got back up, sniffling as he followed Germany. Italy had parked his cherry Ferrari awkwardly on Germany's driveway. He jumped into the driver's seat and patted the shotgun seat. "Hop on in, Germany!" he said excitedly.

Germany, already having second thoughts, took a couple of minutes to finally get in the car. Italy started up his car and pulled out of the driveway. He slammed on the gas and sped out of the neighborhood. "Okay, where's Japan's house?" he asked himself.

"It's-"

"No, I'll get there!" Italy said, cutting him off. He sped through the suburbs and soon was on the main roads. He hit many small trees, fire hydrants, and mailboxes as he drove to Japan's home. "Don't hit trees!" Germany chided.

"Oh, relax. They're just trees," Italy replied carelessly. Soon, they were heading towards a school with children about. Germany hoped Italy wouldn't cause any trouble. Instead of turning on the only road, Italy drove into the schoolyard in the back, running over people as he went along. "YOU JUST RAN OVER _CHILDREN_!" Germany shrieked.

Italy glanced at his friend. "What do you care? I mean, it's like you always say: When in doubt, run over children!"

Germany stared at his friend, bewildered. "I've NEVER said that! You've completely twisted around words that I never said!"

"Oh. Was it 'When in doubt, knock somebody out'?"

"No!"

"...'When in doubt, do something'?"

Germany sighed. "Close enough."

They continued to drive around for hours in complete circles. "We're driving around in circles!" Germany said to his friend after about the second time they'd circled around.

"Why are you complaining?" Italy stopped at the red light and looked at his friend. "I mean, we're together, alone, in a car for hours and hours and hours. Don't you love that?"

Germany blushed. "I suppose it's a little nice... but I'd like to get to Japan's home. I can tell you where-"

"HERE WE ARE!" Italy shouted, suddenly in Japan's backyard.

Germany blinked, surprised. "Oh, well, let's get out-"

"No! I want to see if Japan wants to ride with us!" Italy said, getting out of his car. "Now, where could he be? Oh! Maybe he's one of the people in his human chess set!"

"I still don't understand why he has one," Germany muttered to himself.

Italy began to kick down the pieces. "Japan? No... Is that you, Japan?-! Nah... Is that- Nope..."

"I don't think he's any of the pieces, Italy!" Germany shouted to his friend.

Italy looked back at Germany for a second. "Oh right! He's probably in one of his trees!" Italy glanced around and noticed all the trees. "Hoo, this'll take a while." He ran forwards and started kicking trees. "Hello, Japan? Are you there?"

"I'm up here, Italy," Japan said from somewhere.

Italy looked around. "Oh, you're up THERE!" He ran up a flight of stairs and started kicking the trees there.

"No, not there! Up here!"

"WHERE?"

"FOR GOODNESS SAKE, UP AT THE VERY TOP!"

Italy stopped and looked up, noticing Japan. "OOOOH!" He ran up to Japan. "JAPAN! Me and Germany were in a car for hours and hours and hours!"

Japan's cheeks became tinted with a soft pink. "O-Oh my goodness..." he murmured.

"Yeah! And Germany said he enjoyed it too! It was SO wonderful!"

The blush on Japan's cheeks darkened a bit. "P-Please spare me the details of your relationship with Germany."

Italy seemed to ignore the remark. "Since me and Germany are done with our alone time together, would you like to go and ride with us? I'm driving!"

Japan then recalled the horrors of being in a car with Italy when he drove. "N-No."

"Why not?"

"I have things to do."

"Can't you do them tomorrow?"

"I have to feed my dog."

"Do it real quick, then!"

"I need to buy dog food."

"I can drive you to the store to get it!"

Japan frowned, realizing there was no way out of the situation unless he agreed. "...fine."

~'...'~

After listening to the insane back and forth banter between Italy and Germany as they drove mindlessly, Japan said "You two need sleep."

"No we don't!" Italy said, turning back for a moment to look at Japan. "Okay, we need to get to the store and buy dog food for Japan's dog? Wait... you have a dog?"

Japan nodded. "Yes. His name is Pochi," he replied.

"I thought you just had a cat!" Italy said. "But I am glad you have a doggy!"

As Italy drove in the terrible way he does, he said, "Wow, that bus driver is stupid! He's driving on the wrong side of the road!"

Japan then thought,_ I am going to die. _"You are driving on the wrong side of the road, Italy!" Japan exclaimed, curling up in a tiny ball.

"That can't be right! I'm a great driver!" Italy said.

"No, you are no-"

"TIRE FIRE!" Italy shrieked, driving on a conveniently placed dirt ramp and flying over a tire fire.

Japan clutched his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

"What are you talking about? We're just driving on the road!" Italy said.

Japan slowly opened one eye and realized it was true. "I thought we were driving over a mound of tires on fire."

"We were. We made it, too!" Italy said happily. "Ooh, what's this giant button on the wheel do?" Italy began to honk the horn as he laughed. "It makes a funny noise!

Japan glanced at Germany and gave him an extremely desperate and fearful look. Germany, in turn, gave his friend an apologetic look.

"Okay, when we get to the store, I need to buy a new car!"

"Why?" Germany asked, narrowing his eyes.

"BECAUSE HE WRECKED THE OLD ONE!" Japan shouted (though he hadn't intended to shout). Germany looked at the state of Italy's Ferrari and realized it was almost ready to burst into flames.

"Good point," Germany conceded.

"So we shall buy dog food and a car at the store!" Italy said.

Germany looked at Italy oddly. "Erm... stores don't sell cars," he said.

Italy seemed surprised. "Really? Why not?"

"That's what a car dealership is for."

"Oh... okay! We will go to the store, then the car dealership!" Italy said. He slammed on the brakes as they approached the convenience store. Italy got out of his car. "I will be right back!"

He entered the store run by India (as the stereotype goes that all Indians work at convenience stores. or that's what I hard). "Oh, hello Mr. Italy," India greeted.

"What's up, India?" Italy asked, smiling.

"Just running my convenience store."

"Great! Just getting some dog food for Japan!"

India blinked, a confused expression crossing his face. "...um..."

"He has a doggy," Italy explained.

"Oh! Of course!" India said.

Italy walked off into the isles. Around ten minutes later, Italy left the store. he opened the trunk and placed one of the groceries inside and shut it. He placed the rest in the empty back seat. "Okay, I got us some snacks and drinks! I bought nutella, milk, potato chips, and soda for us!" he said to his friends.

"What is nutella?" Japan asked, tilting his head slightly to the left.

"It's like chocolate icing except it's not!" Italy said.

Japan glanced at Germany, expecting the German to give him a better explanation. "Ja, basically," Germany said, shrugging.

Italy started up the car again. "Okay. now to the car dealership!" They drove ten feet and stopped. "Here we are!"

Germany pinched the bridge of his nose. "We could have just walked here," he hissed.

Italy smiled. "Yeah, but that would take effort!" Once again he was out of his car. "I'll be right back!

"Can't we come?" Japan asked.

"No! I want our new car to be a surprise!"

"Can we at least stretch our legs?" Germany asked.

"No." Italy said, leaving them. He came back immediately, driving in his new car. "Hop in, guys!"

Japan and Germany gaped at Italy's new car. "Is that a..." Japan began.

"...tricked out hearse car?" they asked in unison.

Italy nodded. "Yep! Isn't it lovely?"

Germany and Japan inspected the hearse car, which was painted with flames and had to flashing lights (like a police car except green and yellow) for some reason. "It certainly is interesting..." Germany murmured.

"I know, right? and it's faster than all my other cars!"

Germany and Japan looked at each other in horror. "I-I'm frightened," Germany admitted.

"I'm always afraid of Italy," Japan replied. As both sat in the backseat by their own request, Japan said to Germany "I'm sorry for all the time you had to spend with Italy in his car today."

Germany shrugged "It's fine," he said. "It was enjoyable spending time with Italy... alone..."

"I am aware of your relationship with Italy."

~'...'~

"Okey-dokey! Just a few more minutes to your house, Japan!" Italy announced.

Japan sighed with relief. "Thank the gods..." he muttered.

After Japan had finished his sentence, Italy's tricked out hearse car stopped. "I lied! You're home now, Japan!" The Asian took no time to fling open the door and run for his life into his home where he was safe. Italy glanced at Germany. "Now it's just you and me again, Germany!"

"Splendid," Germany replied, half-sarcastically and half-sincerely.

"Now we can either go home or keep driving for hours and hours and hours alone with each other... with NOTHING to do but enjoy each other's _company_..."

Germany was sure Italy hadn't intended it to sound so suggestive, but he blushed anyways. "A-As much as I would love to drive around in this hearse car some more, I need to go home." Italy frowned and began to sniffle and tears, like they had when Germany insisted on driving, welled up into his eyes. "Well... you can come home with me..."

Italy looked at his friend, oddly surprised. "Really?"

"Ja. After all, you practically live in my house... and bed..." Germany said.

Italy grinned and gave a cheery laugh. "Yay, I'm going to stay at Germany's house! And I'm invited this time!"

Germany smiled at his strange friend. Though this day had been strange, it had admittedly, been a good one.

_Later that day_

As Italy enjoyed a magnificent dinner of pasta, his cellphone rang. "Ciao!"

"Italy, did you remember to buy dog food?"

"...eh..."

"I figured."

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**A/N: Yep.**


End file.
